A Little Bit of Social Satire

Well, perhaps updating my blog once a week was a little ambitious on my part. I seemed to have underestimated the level of my own laziness. Once a month seems much more viable. As to those of you interested in my life I am still trying to figure out what to do or where to go. I feel I'm supposed to be just waiting for something but as to what I have no clue. It is currently 8:30 P.M on Wednesday night and I am listening to Sufjan Stevens.

Now that Hurricane Katrina had a little distance let's look at it some more. Here are some real fake articles I made up.

Rich White People Hit By Hurricane As Well! -New York Times
Associated Press- New Orleans, LA. In the wake of the devastation of Hurricane Katrina comes a surprising shock. News reel highlights and photojournalists everywhere captured hundreds of images of the poor, inner city filled with destruction and chaos. Amid that destruction another important fact went unnoticed until recently. In the uptown affluent area known as Audubon Park, old antebellum mansions have sustained serious damage. Porches have fallen over and swimming pools are filled with mud and waste. Hot tubs have been destroyed and private gardens and gazebos have ceased to exist.
"I never thought that a Hurricane would hit us as well. I thought being rich and white, as well as protestant, would protect us from the storm. Now I just don't know what to do." Quotes Nathaniel Beauregard, a sugar refinery owner. "I mean look at this place. My SUV is flooded and useless now. The golf course at the country club is a quagmire. Where will I go to smoke cigars and meet good ole' boys now?"
"I doubt our Southern way of life has been this disrupted since the Civil War," adds his wife, Mirabelle Beauregard. "I thought the government was supposed to prevent this. How could they let this happen to us? I thought our tax breaks protected us. We may have to winter in our summer home in upstate New York. Just the thought makes me shudder!"
Black leaders, naturally, are dubious of the damage. Rev. William Jones of the Canal Street Mission says, "We don't really believe this has happened until we see it. The thought of this happening to the aristocratic southern bougiouse is absurd. We know this storm is all racially motivated and I strongly suspect the government itself went into Audubon Park and caused damage just to hide the fact that the rich were protected."
Indeed, many have long suspected the government of spending millions on the Natural Disaster Defense Networks, a system that costs billions and is aimed at protecting the upper crust of society from such events. There is still however no proof the program really exists.
"Even if they were hit by the storm then of course they got cleaned up first," continued the Rev. Jones.
Mr. Beauregard could only respond in shock, "I agree it seems far fetched but we have suffered from this storm as well. We can only hope to make a quick recovery and get back on track with our lives in time for the ski season." He says as he sips a cocktail in his private helicopter on his way back to New Orleans.

Nation Mourns Dead, Gas Prices. -Washington Post
Associated Press- While the nation was still in mourning over the tragic loss of life during Katrina they were hit with yet another tragedy as well. Gas prices sky rocketed to above three dollars a gallon and in some places close to five. "I can't believe how horrible this is. All of those people died and paid the ultimate price and now here we are paying the ultimate price for gas. It may costs more to fuel up my Hummer then my vacation to Europe." Says Cindy Fox in Beverly Hills.
Many people do not know what to think. "It has really filled me with confusion, first I think the President invades Iraq for oil. Now we have a shortage and I'm mad at him for not doing enough to keep the oil flowing. As a blue state Liberal, I am very out of touch with my inner self." Adds Don Cervok in the Chesapeake Bay Area.
Down in the south they are feeling the pinch as well. "God obviously allowed this to happen for a reason. I think maybe it was his way of saying it's okay for me to skim on my tithe so I can afford my weekly Caramel Macchiato at Starbucks." Says Robert Bland of Stonebriar Community Church in Frisco, TX. "I will be praying for everyone involved though and hopefully like Job, God will reward us for our suffering in the end." We can only hope He does.



Well those are some of my thoughts on the stupid hypocritical world of America, Katrina and fuel. Now for one more death in New Prussia. I really cannot believe all the great TV Star deaths taking place as of late, yet here is another one.



I even mentioned Get Smart in my last blog on Bob Denver and now Don Adams has passed away as well. This was another show of my youth. It combined my love of stupid comedy with my love of espionage and world domination. Who could forget that comical voice? The shoe phone? The bumbling run in's with the Chief, especially in the cone of silence? And of course who could forget the smoldering beautiful Agent 99, who somehow persevered through it all? Would you believe, nobody? I was surprised (although I should have been) to learn Mel Brooks produced the show. Regardless, Don Adams number, 86, was apparently up. Here to you 86, sorry about that Chief.

Anybody catch the two Get Smart phrases? It will be a very, very bad day in New Prussia if Adam West ever dies. BTW- They are making a Get Smart movie with Steve Carrell as Maxwell Smart, it could be funny or it could be chaos. We will see.
Well that is about it for now. I'll catch you later.

Katrina, Katrina, Katrina!

It is 12:30 and I am listening to Whiskeytown right now. Well as per usual it has been a little while since my last blog but I think this is good because it keeps you on your toes. It seems we have had a major natural disaster occur lately and I have yet to comment on it. That's about to change. First though, are some quick hits.

Scottie: Well, in regards to your post on my last blog about Scottie from Star Trek, I reiterate that for what ever reason, Star Trek was not a huge influence on my formative years. I respect it's place in the Nerd Hall of Fame and I love the characters but I was not really into it as a kid. I think it was my parents protection realizing the serious social and romantic consequences that Star Trek could have upon people later in life, that kept me from it. That and the cheap special effects and lack of action. I am not sure my parents protection on my social and romantic life was sufficient though.

Spam on the Run: It appears the mysterious spammer has found my blog as well. I am now forced to, against my will, initiate the anti-spam verification. Sorry. Keep posting though because it does spur me on. ALSO, it has caused me to think of a great term for blogging Spam. I now call it BLAM. Blog+Spam, get it? There will be no blamming here please.

Disclaimer: If you read through all the next sections then you are truly a friend of New Prussia. It is a hunk of reading but I did add some humor at the end.


The Bad in New Orleans: Well first for the most serious stuff. As some of you may know, I led a mission trip to New Orleans last spring break. We worked with a homeless shelter, an HIV hospice and helped clean up a church. I am sure it is all ruined. I was greatly touched by the people to and the inner city we ministered in. Most were poor minorities or homeless, just the type that did not make it out. I have to wonder if any of them are still alive. I have to wonder if the church, which had recently been renovated, still exists. One of the girls on the trip and I had the privilege and honor of leading a semi-homeless guy named Cedric to Christ. He was down on his luck but trying to get back on his feet. That was on spring break and I wonder if it was the last call for him. Is he okay or will I only see him in eternity now? It is one thing to see the stuff on TV, to know it is happening. It is a strangely sad and surreal experience to see it happen, knowing it effected people you were trying to help just a few months ago.
Secondly, I have to wonder to myself, isn't this really just the beginning? Was not all of these horribly things and much, much more predicted in the Bible as time grows short in the world? 9-11, a Tsunami, five or six hurricanes in a row last year, now this one. A new famine in Africa and more flooding in China and other places as well. There are seismic tremblings and minor eruptions of St. Helens in Washington as well. "Wars and rumors of wars," so to speak. I do not mean to say I think the end is here or the rapture will happen within the next year or anything like that. I just mean it is only going to get worse. Think of the reputation New Orleans has. Not just the homosexuality and party mentality but also think of all the crime, the injustice, the crooked officials and cops, the mafia as well as all the crazy Voodoo and witchcraft practiced there. Does this not seem like judgment? I know it is not en vogue for Christians to say this and I know that this is not necessarily all judgment and God can do good things through this, but I can't help but think of the similarities here. I am staying well away from California for some time. I also think all this political grandstanding ticks me off and that leads me to the next point.

The Not as Bad: Now that I have paid some dues let me say a few things. I think all of this political stuff is a load of pig crap. It is definitly not what needs to happen right now. That being said, I will jump right in.

Federal Distress: We all know the government looked slow in this issue. First let me criticize the President. I support Bush for the most part, but I do think he made a few mistakes in the relief effort. I know he was meeting with advisors at his ranch and I know he was saddened by what was going on, BUT I think it was really stupid of him to stay at his ranch as long as he did, and I think it looked horrible. I can't see why he didn't jump on Air Force One and get back to Washington ASAP. He made a big mistake by not publicly taking more initiative sooner. Also as the head of the government the buck does stop with him, so technically he is to blame in a weird unfair kind of way and he did appoint the FEMA director. Yes, the President is not perfect and made a few mistakes but that was not what costs all those lives.

From what I gather, there were a few major errors made here. 1. FEMA and company thought their response systems were sufficient and they weren't. It was only when they find out they aren't that it is to late. Like if you are dehydrated, by the time you feel thirsty it is to late. As far as I can tell, the bulk of the blame should go to the Gov. and Mayor of Louisana. There are laws that prohibit the President from ordering troops into a city for relief. This is done to keep Presidents from becoming dictators and to protect freedom. What it takes is for the Gov. of the state to officially ask for help as well as sign some paper work. The storm hit Sunday night-Monday morning, the levee broke Tuesday, the paper work for help did not get signed until Wednesday. The GOVERNER did not ask for help until Wednesday? And people want to blame the president? Compare this to Mississippi, where albeit, the flooding was not as bad but certainly they were in need of help.. The Governor there called for help very early on and what happened? Help arrived in time and the whole mess in New Orleans did not happen there. I suppose people forget that side of it. Correct me if I am mistaken but I believe there are black people in Mississippi as well. Maybe Bush just hates the black people in New Orleans.
There are all sorts of other stories coming out as well. The Mayor and Gov. did not declare mandatory evacuations, nor did they use the city buses to transport people out. I have even read Bush called them the Friday before the storm hit and begged them to sign the necessary paper work but they would not do it for political reasons. What does the left want? Would they have prefered that the President break the law and send in troops without the proper legal authority? They already think he is a tyrant, is that what they want? Would they prefer it that way instead?
This taxing Levee issue is supposed to be Bush's fault as well. Did people want Bush to fly down there and stick his finger in the break to stop it? Apparently he did not approve funding for state projects that included levee repairs. That is balderdash. The truth is that the levee repairs have been on the books for decades now. At LEAST since the Reagan era if not longer. Why did they not get fixed or funded sooner? Let's look at some reason. For a long time LA refused to raise their legal drinking age to 21, because they would not do this, they got very little federal aid for projects and what aid they did get went mainly to highway maintenece, not levee's. So you can blame the crappy LA government for that. Back during the Clinton years they got funding for projects as well. Where did that money go? It has now come out that a lot of it went to, instead of levee's, building a Marina to support ships?...no...off shore refineries or drilling rigs? no.....hmm where could that money have gone...oh I know, Riverboat Casino's. Yes, it seems a lot of the money for levee's and other work was redirected to help support Riverboat gambling. Let's have a BIG round of applause for the notoriously corrupt state of LA. I could go on and on about this and write pages. I am blown away by the stupidity of people at times.

ABC-Disaster Company: Did anyone see the ABC special the other night on potential disasters in the U.S.A and how we are not ready for them. It made me sick to see them sensationalizing all of this. Their was an earthquake in San Francisco and a plague and nuclear explosion in New York. They simulated these things and showed how unprepared the Government was. Let me see....I think there is word for these kinds of things. Oh yeah, they are called disasters! Of course you can't be prepared for them. You can do the best you can and certainly we can do better, but no one will every be able to be fully prepared for these things. Not for millions of people.

That being said, here are some other probable disasters that the U.S.A. would not be prepared for and that would also, inevitably be George Bush's fault. I have also listed possible course's of action to prevent these things.

-All the bears in North America descend upon Seattle in post-hibernation hunger. This can be prevented by hunting all bears to extinction. Even the Chicago bears.

-Vikings raid the northeast coast, raping and pillaging everything along their paths. In a gross oversight FEMA has absolutely no Viking Invasion Contingency Plan. The best defense is a good offense, invade Scandinavia now OR summon the legendary return of King Arthur and his round table to unify the states and ward off the evil aggressors.

-Disco makes a huge comeback. This might be the scariest disaster of all. It made a mild comeback a few years ago but was avoided for the most part. Next time we may not be so lucky. If it does start to happen the best thing to do is play plenty of Led Zepplin and Rolling Stones as loud and as long as possible. (Note: if New Kids on the Block comeback then it is all over.)

-Atlas gets tired of holding up the earth and throws it off his shoulders. The best plan here it to keep Atlas very happy and content and feed him lots of Campbell's Chunky Beef Soup. (I could not think of anything better then this. Sorry)

-George Bush meets with wizards and summons a giant meteor to hit the earth and split it open. The best action here is, as long as we time the split right, to let it hit, separating the Eastern Hemisphere from us forever. I mean, isn't the Eastern Hemisphere really more trouble then it is worth? Actually the best thing to do is to let the meteor hit the EU.

-Giant squids crawl out from the ocean and devour all in their path. Answer-Operation Calamari, involving government funded openings of thousands of Sushi bars throughout the world.

Well, this is at the top of the list of likely events. There are many other such as alien invasions, vampire prince appearances, and Magneto's return to earth, but the list is just to long. The important thing to remember is that whatever happens, Don't Panic. Cheers.


P.S. Maybe for my next blog, I will have an interview with a real live disaster relief expert and FEMA analyst, my hero Andrew McMahan. He knows everything about disaster planning. After all, he went to Africa and he can tell you, the battle is real!

More Deaths In New Prussia.

Ok, it is Thursday at 3:30 and I have Iron and Wine stuck in my head.

Well it would appear that yet another Friend of New Prussia has passed into the great beyond. This means that either A) I am getting really old or B.) I watched nothing but reruns of old, often bad TV shows when I was a kid. I can say that this one is probably the most devastating of all. Even more so then the venerable Doc Baker. This person was truly a profound influence on my younger, more impressionable years, and I'm sure that explains something. His name was Bob Denver but you may know him more as this man.






That's right, GIIILLIIIGGANNN! Has passed into the great island shipwreck in the sky. I suppose he is reunited with the Skipper, who died several years ago. Now their silly antics can entertain in the afterlife as they drive around in little bamboo cars and the Skipper can hit his "Little buddy" with his hat as he messes up for eternity.
I used to watch Gilligan religiously during the summer. Every morning the reruns would be on and me and my brother would be glued to the TV. It was usually followed or preceded by Batman and followed by Get Smart, Hogan's Heroes or Gomer Pyle. I loved them all. I especially loved Ginger whom I think I had a perennial crush on, highlighted by the occasional fling with Mary Ann. Who couldn't help but love the misshapen crew of seven castaways? The Professors genius, the eccentric Howells, the Skipper who put up with so much, and best of all Gilligan, with his fishing hat and red Rugby shirt. Don't forget the splendid theme song that everybody loves as well. I do not remember the band who performed it but I do know it was their only hit. Imagine going on tour as a band and the audience calling out for the theme song to Gilligan's Island. Now you know how the band that wrote the them to Friends feel. It was such an influence that in school we even sang Amazing Grace to the tune of Gilligan's Island...try it for yourself. You will see it works and you'll probably enjoy it as well. (On a slightly different note, try singing Lord I Lift Your Name on High, to the tune of The Joker, by the Steve Miller Band. It works as well.)
This was the show that my mom would use on family vacations to tell us how much travel time we had left. We would ask, "How much longer until we are there?" she would then reply, "three Gilligan's Islands" to help us youngsters grasp time a little better. So heres to you Little Buddy, New Prussia salutes you.
BTW- For a trivia question, does anyone know the name of the Skipper's character? Not his real name but the character...he had another name besides Skipper.


A Weird Word - On another note, I have recently realized how the word weird lives up to its own meaning. Think of this, back in grammar school, what is the rule they always teach you? I before E, except after C. So look at the spelling of weird. I fail to see a C in there but I do see an E before I. I suppose it is only appropriate given the meaning of the word.

Katrina- I should have some good Katrina talk coming soon.

The Old Ladies Network- I have decided, at least during the day, that the Hallmark Channel is the old ladies channel. I was watching a rerun of Little House on the Prairie with a roommate on Hallmark the other day and saw adds for nothing but old lady stuff. There was the usual Depends commercials, but also some strange bladder control underwear for women. Not only that but I learned about multiple ways to keep my skin soft and fresh and how to prevent wrinkles. I also learned which Yogurts were the best for my diet. I suppose that is what I get for watching Little House reruns. It wasn't even a Doc Baker episode.

Well I better go, I will leave you with the most expensive picture of me ever taken. It cots roughly 25,000 or so. It is of me posing at graduation as I try and figure out what to do next. Later.

Graduation Day.

Well, last week I graduated so I took a week off from blogging. Also for the first time since I started this blog I don' t think I have a song in my head. Anyways, getting through college is probably one of the most difficult things I have ever done. The next greatest thing I will ever do is pay off my debt. Seriously though, with all the battles with depression and stuff along the way, I thought I would never get there, but God has been extremely faithful and good to me and I now write to you as an official graduate of the University of North Texas. To think I was only .3 decimals away from graduating with honors! Oh well, better luck next time.

I also noticed all of the honors students and graduate students got to wear all sorts of cool ribbons and tassels and things around their necks. Some red, some green, some who knows what colour. I had a really funny thought that I should wear a red and yellow House Griffendorf scarf from Harry Potter when I walked across stage. I think it would have gone over really well.

One more thing that needs discussion. The guest speaker, some guy that set up the Arts and Sciences advising office, gave the opening speech. Then we had to sing Auld Lang, or whatever it is called, and he asked us to do the gayest thing ever. (By gay I don't mean homosexual. I mean gay as in, not cool or very un-guy like.) He asked that on the last verse of the song, we all cross arms and hold hands with the people next to us and sway back and forth. Most of the people did, albeit looking around sheepishly while they did so. I, however, was on the history aisle, which was all guys. We merely looked at each other with a look that said "there is not a snowball's chance in hell I am doing this." So we all just stood there thinking how ridiculous it all looked. Despite our aloof demeanor it was still better then performing the bizarre ritual. It was like something out of the cheesy Dawson McAllister conferences I went to in Junior High.

We had a party later that night and everyone made predictions of where I would be in the future. Only one had me married. My brother and two of my really good friends growing up came to town. We had a blast hanging out, just like old times, and took some really weird pictures as well. My friend Nicole got to witness a very different side of me. Amber, in regards to your post, next time I graduate I will invite you to my party.

That being said, I have a history degree. What can you do with a history degree? Here are some of the most common things.

-Make history.
-Rewrite history to fit your own skewed view of the world.
-Make a paper airplane out of it.
-Be bitter about why you didn't choose a more lucrative degree.
-Hit on chicks with lines like "If Henry the 8th saw you, he would have never committed murder or been divorced" or "you're as beautiful and priceless as a Ming Dynasty vase," or even "Yeah, I took a class on the history of romance, you want me to show you what I learned?"
-Make a paper boat out of it.
-Argue over the exact location of the Mason-Dixon
-Annoy others on vacation with you as fill their heads with useless anecdotes about every location you visit.

Well, that's just a short list of the many things you can do with this versatile degree.


I better go. Just a quick update. Maybe I'll post some graduation pics later.

P.S. For those of you who don't know, I wasn't even close to graduating with honors. Instead of .3 away it was more like 3.0 away.

The Most Serious Entry Since......Well, My First One

I currently have no song stuck in my head since I am listening to Damien Rice and he fills my head instead. And now for some darkness.

Ladies and Gentlemen, for those of you have been following, you may know I have been trying to move to New York. That is now no longer the case. I repeat, New York is a no go. Nadda, zilch, not gonna happen, the big zero, negatory, nyet, and other negative words. Notwithstanding a miracle anyways. So don't ask if I'm still planning on going, and this really leaves me with nothing.

So much for dreaming big, taking risks, not settling for a mundane life and all that other crap. (I know this doesn't mean I will have a mundane life, I just mean for now.) I can wax some eloquent blasphemy on my thoughts about prayer and God and His will and all right now but I guess I won't. So where does this leave me? Stuck in piss-ant Denton.I feel as though, at this moment, I have absolutely nothing to look forward to. Sure, there exists vague, murky promises of potential relationships someday, moving off someday, doing something someday. But that is all in the cloudy and obscure specter of someday. What now? I had nothing else planned.

I could move to Dallas. Whoopee. In fact, I am interviewing for a job soon. If I get this job it will be better to stay here in Denton. So Dallas is out of the question right now. I am in Denton...sweet Moses that's exciting.
I spent the last six months deliberately not meeting girls because I figured I would be moving off. Nice thought. I have also spent the last 5 years in Denton and we see how that has turned out.
I have no money from not working most of the summer. I have no car because mine was destroyed. Yes I have family and friends here. God would provide friends wherever I go though.
So now the question is, did I bring this on myself. I tried to find a job all summer but it didn't happen. Did I not try hard enough? Was I to lazy? There must have been somewhere I could have worked. Was it Proverbs, " A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands, and poverty will come on you like a bandit, scarcity like a armed man?" Or was this God's way of keeping me from going up to NY and making some mistake? I tend to always lean to the argument that blames me. Of course, I would blame myself for Pearl Harbor if I could.

So now where do I go and what do I do? I am graduating on Saturday, with a degree in history when I think I want to do something in media. (Actually I think all I want to do is write.) And like I said, I feel I have nothing to look forward to. This is supposed to be a fun and exciting time in life but instead it is just depressing and anxiety producing and in the end it just isn't worth it. Screw it all.

I know there are verses in the Bible about God's plans and all. Spare me the references. And while your at it, spare me the sentimental encouraging BS as well. To sum it all up, here are some pictures by Goya, one of my favourite artists, to describe how I feel.






Well, you get the picture. At least football season is almost here.

Speaking of Dreams: I had a really strange dream the other night. I dreamed I was a country music star that really wanted to be a rock star. I was in a concert wearing tight jeans, a hat and a Garth shirt. As the concert progressed I kept trying to play more and more rock on my guitar instead of country. I tried to sneak it in, so to speak. The audience wouldn't go for it though. It was weird.

Anyway, I know things aren't as bad as I think they are. I just wanted to get it out. See you at the party Saturday, I'm sure I'll be feeling better by then.