I Have A New Calling In Life

Ok. For some reason I have to use my Gmail for Blogspot now and I can’t get onto gmail with my laptop due to a strange crash, but I finally managed.

Right-o, here I am at the ole’ coffee shop and it is open mic night for Jesuit High, which has consisted of a smattering of poetry on social injustice and one man acoustic guitar jams. Oh well. If I had something like this in High School I would have probably loved it too. So sorry to take so long on making a new post, I’ve had a lot on my mind lately and most of my writing has been devoted to elsewhere. I do have a new calling in life, so please, by all means, read on.

It was asked of me if I had any New Years resolutions this year. To be honest I don’t make New Years resolutions per se, but around the time of New Year’s I did decide to try a couple new things, so I guess they could be considered resolutions in a way. First, Starbucks has a deal with 24-hour fitness that allows us to join them for cheap and no contracts, so I decided I needed to get back in shape and joined up with them.

Secondly, I decided if possible that I would learn to play guitar as well. I have a secondary motive in that I hope it helps me score chicks but to be honest, it’s something I’ve always wanted to do and I’m not getting any younger. So I borrowed my brother’s Axe (that’s 80’s rock for guitar) a sweet Ibanez Steve Vai edition. (Insert crazy 80s rift here.) This has led to perhaps my greatest calling. I thought all this time I was going to be a writer, it turns out I am going to be a worship leader. That’s right, as soon as I get good enough, I am going to start my own traveling praise and worship show, just like David Crowder or Shane and Shane. By all means this should at least help me get Christian chicks.

I have already picked out a name for my band. It is going to be called “Jeff Jordan’s Happy God Squad Band” or something like that. I will write great hits with titles like “Praise Him,” “Praise Him Some More,” “Still Praising Him,” “How About Some More Praise Anyone?” and when I get my corporate Dr. Pepper sponsorship, “Praise Him at 10, 2 and 4.” I can’t wait.

It’s funny, most of you know my dislike for such groups, however when I tell other people I know at work or wherever that I don’t like such bands they stare at me like I am crazy. I do it now just for shock value.

Another Great Christian Product:

I have another brilliant idea for Christian Culture to buy into. It is the all new Photo Album Bible. This a fully operational Bible that also has photo sleeves in certain parts for you to place pictures in. Picture this “give thanks to Lord, for He is good.” Now place a picture of someone you are thankful for in the sleeve next to the verse. The possibilities are endless, for the fruits of the Spirit, place a picture of somebody who exhibits a particular fruit. How about, “love thy neighbor” place pictures of your neighbors. “Love thy enemy,” place a picture of your enemy! “Thou shall not murder,” place a picture of somebody you wish you could murder. The possibilities are endless.

Anyways, it’s a great idea and I could probably make tons of cash off of it, but then I would be a hypocrite because I hate this kind of stuff.

Catch you later.