It is 7.00 P.M. 26 Feb, 2006 and I am listening to Badly Drawn Boy. I appreciate your musical comments. David made extremely good points with his rock album suggestions (especially Metallica in my opinion) and I agree with Poop's assessment with U2. While I did not think their last album was great, I merely meant they are still cooler then ever.
Well the Olympics have come and gone and I was tired of them before they began. I was certainly tired of hearing about Bode Miller, before he decided to suck. The U.S. Olympic team had been a huge disappointment this year. With the apathy if Bode Miller, the choke job of Sasha Cohen, the even bigger choke of the hockey team, the foolish arrogance of Lindsey Jacobson-ellis (or whatever her name is) and the civil war that erupted on the speed skate team, it has been a pretty sorry showing for the good 'ole U.S.A. It's just as well I don't really care about the games anymore. That being said, let's make fun of them.
IOC Announces Rioting as New Event.
Torino, Italy – In a press conference yesterday members of the International Olympic Committee, as well as the current committee president Jacques Rogge, made an announcement that rioting will now be added as event and hopes to see the sport appear when the next winter Olympics are held in four years.
Rogge cited the summer riots in France as well as the recent riots, caused by a Danish cartoon, as the inspiration for this measure.
“Throughout the history of the world riots have always been an integral part of any civilized societies political life. As a boy I can remember reading of the riots in France before the revolution broke out, and I recall whishing I could have participated in them. As I look around the world today, I realize the sport is still alive and well.”
The new event will have a five member panel of judges, often members of opposing factions, such as Israel’s and Arabs or Jews and Muslims. The scoring will be based on several factors but includes how much damage is done measured in monetary amounts, the number of cars burned, the fever pitch the crowd of the crowd and even the artistic element of creative flag burning will be considered.
“As of now there at two events that will be held. The short protest, which last one hour, and is of smaller scale, and the full scale uprising, which will last three hours and involve interaction with police in riot gear.”
The latter event will stress the athletes training and endurance as they are forced to overcome the use of tear gas as well as overcoming obstacles such as road blocks and armored cars.
When questioned about these events being held in the winter Olympics Rogge responded, “We just saw a round of riots all across the Middle East so clearer rioting can take place in the winter. Not only that but we really wanted to create a sport that would give many Middle Eastern countries a good chance at winning a winter medal. Right now they just don’t have much of a chance. I personally can’t wait to see how well Iran performs and of course the Palestinians could well score on the level of an insurgency.”
Other committee members went on to add that Syria, Lebanon and Indonesia are strong contenders but that one should never count out the resourcefulness of the United States, especially in areas like Compton. Latin America was also named as a strong possible winner. Whatever the case may be, the new event is sure to be exciting.
News briefs:
President Bush threatens to invade opponents. Citing his controversial foreign policy President Bush announced that defeating the U.S. in any event (except curling) can and will be considered a direct attack on America itself and therefore the offending nation is now open to invasion, especially if they produce oil. He then went on to add that, "while they are gathered together in Italy, it would be a perfect opportunity to take them all out."
Condoleezza Rice suggests FEMA aid to Italy. Last Thursday the Secretary of State said that she thought FEMA should be deployed to Torino to help clean up the disaster that this years U.S. team has created.
Area Preacher Likens TV Coverage to God's Wrath. The Rev. Bill Sickes of First Baptist Church of Jackson, Mississippi is tired the sappy NBC coverage. He likens it to being worse then God's wrath. In a sermon last Sunday he stated that "I would rather have all seven bowls of wrath poured upon me at once then have to sit through one more cheesy, sentimental, human interest story. If Bob Costas tells me one more time how dramatic the games are or what kind of sentiment I should have for a specific moment then I hope God, in His infinite mercy, opens all seven seals at once and allows me to bear the brunt of them all.”
Well that's about all for now folks. I miss football already.
