A Mighty Wind Doth Bloweth

Hurricane Dennis just hit the Florida panhandle a few weeks ago. Now Emily just got done in Mexico. It seems to me every headline I see about hurricanes uses the terms hammers, slams or devastates whatever unfortunate land mass it hits and quite frankly, I am tired of it. I think the fact that it is a hurricane pretty much implies the fact it is hammering or slamming into something. I believe it is time for the media to be more creative with their verb usage as well as be more culturally relevant. That being said I have come up with a list of words I think would be much better. Picture these in the news.

-Hurricane Denzel Pimp Slaps Miami.
-Puerto Rico Just Got Served By Hurricane Esmeralda.
-Hurricane Bubba Opens Up A Can of Whoop On Mobile Alabama.
-Hurricane Fidel Is Hatin' On Key Largo.
-Hurricane Heather Tears Jamaica A New One.
-Hurricane Ferguson Ridicules Atlantic Coast.
-Hurricane Basil Gives Charleston the Old What-For.

Well you get the idea. That's probably enough for now. I could throw in some more random words to such as keeps it real, marinates, deep fry's, screws over, goes to town, owns or apologizes.
That being said, hammered and slammed are perfectly acceptable adjectives if you're referring to the effects of the alcoholic kind of Hurricanes.

On a slightly different note I think they need to change the names of hurricanes. They start with letter A every year and alternate male and female names. That is fine. What isn't fine is that most names don't live up to the storms hype. I mean, does Emily, Allison, Charlie or Dennis really sound like an all powerful storm? I think not. This is why we need to change them to more appropriate names. I move all Hurricanes be given German or Norse names. Like this.
- Adolf, Bjorn, Carsten, Dirk, Eva, Frigga, Gretchen, Hallerna..etc.
See how much better those sound? Of course you would have jump ahead a few and add Ragnor, Sven and Thor. Hurricane Thor just sounds cool.

Alternately, and this is the more likely scenario, they could license out naming rights to celebrities or corporations, much like stadiums do.

- Hurricane Dale Earnhart Crashes Into Tallahasse.
- Hurricane Home Improvement Cause For Massive Repairs.
- Hurricane Bacardi Rum Parties in Cancun.
- Hurricane Prozac Reduced to Tropical Depression.
- Hurricane W.C.W. Smacks Down Myrtle Beach.

Well that is probably all I can really think of right now. Merry Christmas.

P.S. I might add a picture to this later on.