A Mighty Wind Doth Bloweth

Hurricane Dennis just hit the Florida panhandle a few weeks ago. Now Emily just got done in Mexico. It seems to me every headline I see about hurricanes uses the terms hammers, slams or devastates whatever unfortunate land mass it hits and quite frankly, I am tired of it. I think the fact that it is a hurricane pretty much implies the fact it is hammering or slamming into something. I believe it is time for the media to be more creative with their verb usage as well as be more culturally relevant. That being said I have come up with a list of words I think would be much better. Picture these in the news.

-Hurricane Denzel Pimp Slaps Miami.
-Puerto Rico Just Got Served By Hurricane Esmeralda.
-Hurricane Bubba Opens Up A Can of Whoop On Mobile Alabama.
-Hurricane Fidel Is Hatin' On Key Largo.
-Hurricane Heather Tears Jamaica A New One.
-Hurricane Ferguson Ridicules Atlantic Coast.
-Hurricane Basil Gives Charleston the Old What-For.

Well you get the idea. That's probably enough for now. I could throw in some more random words to such as keeps it real, marinates, deep fry's, screws over, goes to town, owns or apologizes.
That being said, hammered and slammed are perfectly acceptable adjectives if you're referring to the effects of the alcoholic kind of Hurricanes.

On a slightly different note I think they need to change the names of hurricanes. They start with letter A every year and alternate male and female names. That is fine. What isn't fine is that most names don't live up to the storms hype. I mean, does Emily, Allison, Charlie or Dennis really sound like an all powerful storm? I think not. This is why we need to change them to more appropriate names. I move all Hurricanes be given German or Norse names. Like this.
- Adolf, Bjorn, Carsten, Dirk, Eva, Frigga, Gretchen, Hallerna..etc.
See how much better those sound? Of course you would have jump ahead a few and add Ragnor, Sven and Thor. Hurricane Thor just sounds cool.

Alternately, and this is the more likely scenario, they could license out naming rights to celebrities or corporations, much like stadiums do.

- Hurricane Dale Earnhart Crashes Into Tallahasse.
- Hurricane Home Improvement Cause For Massive Repairs.
- Hurricane Bacardi Rum Parties in Cancun.
- Hurricane Prozac Reduced to Tropical Depression.
- Hurricane W.C.W. Smacks Down Myrtle Beach.

Well that is probably all I can really think of right now. Merry Christmas.

P.S. I might add a picture to this later on.

I issue an apology- and Czar's don't apologize often.

Ok...it is painfully obvious to me that I am behind on my blogs. Does this make me a bad blogger? Yes. Does this make me an evil and disgusting person? Probably. Anyway, I attribute this to three or so factors. 1. Sears- I have a part time job at Sears right now and every evening when I leave my internship I go in for training. This is normally the time I would blog. 2. Life-I am trying to get my resume and other official stuff together-more time I would normally blog. 3. Settlers of Catan Online- ok...I am addicted to this little game. Every evening I turn on my computer only to find one of my friends online offering to play against me. How can I resist? 4. Social Life- Ok..my social life is somewhat suspect but it has taken its toll. For instance, I was busy every night this weekend with stuff going on. I guess this all goes to say that I have been pretty busy lately and my blogs take time. Especially if I photoshop something etc. I will do my best to have one soon. I am not going to bother proofing this entry so get over any mistakes in it.

PS. I have also found that just keeping up with everyone else's blogs has taken a lot of time as well. I am now trying to read 7 or 8 of them.

A Friend of New Prussia Dies...

Ladies and Gentlemen.
I wish that the posting of this entry was under a more joyous occasion but alas it was not meant to be. Normally I would wait a week before posting a new entryso soon (please see my P Diddy entry below this one. It is worth checking out.) but a most unfortunate event has occurred that leaves my heart wounded. For you see, a good friend of New Prussia, a fighter in our cause, Dr. Hiram Baker, from Little House on the Prairie, has passed away on this 12th of July 2005. I find it ironic that only a couple of weeks ago I was reminiscing fondly of Little House and now I found myself reeling from the sorrow. To me Dr. Baker was always an inspiration, a sort of grandfather figure to look up to. With his kind, reassuring smile, and every day wisdom, you know that if he said, "You'll be ok" then you would be ok. If he said "this will only hurt a little" then you knew it would only hurt a little.
I mean who couldn't admire somebody who was so wise as to say "Wood warms a man twice. Once when you chop it, and again when you burn it."
I think the best part about Doc Baker was that he was always willing to take whatever payment was available for his services. I always remembered thinking how cool it would be to be able to trade eggs in for such services. I also remembered how I thought it was strange that the brown eggs were worth more. I longed to go out west somewhere where I could partake in the barter and trade sytsem rather then be subject to capitalist enslavement. I recall being so disappointed and bitter when I found out it was no longer possible and only a hoax.
Well, so long doc, I'll be sure and catch you on the reruns. Doc Baker died at age 77, due to the malaria he caught from the swamps that the Lost Indian Tribe brought him to when they kidnapped him while he was out working in the fields after the volcanic eruption near Mr. Edwards house destroyed all the crops for the year.
Jefferson

P.S. Now if we can just get that little Jezebel Nellie Olson to bite it.

Czar and Away vol. 2

Greetings everyone.
There are at least two note worthy things that happened over last weekend. It seems that Robert Kraft, owner of the Kraft food conglomerate and owner of the New England Patriots gave his 2005 Super Bowl ring to Russian President Vladimir Putin. This has caused much international intrigue as many suspect that Putin took the ring thinking it was a gift when Kraft may have only been showing him the ring. However, in the interest of world peace, Kraft graciously admitted he was giving the ring to Putin out of admiration. We will never know if this is true or not but Kraft does have two other rings and he will probably end up with more. Fortunately this avoided a serious conflict as NFL forces everywhere were being mobilized for action in Russia. Special Teams, the elite forces of the NFL, were already rumored to be on the ground near Kiev and the Oakland Raiders were gearing up for an all out invasion. This would not be the first time odd things have been found in Putin's pockets. Here is a look at many of the other items found pilfered on his person.

-Several French and U.N. diplomats.
-Kraft's Macaroni and Cheese as well.
-P Diddy's Bling Bling. (see picture)
-A piece of low grade plutonium.
-The Maltese Falcon.
-Bribe from Russian mob.
-8 Track of Abba's Greatest Hits.
-Key to Russian National Cabbage Supply Vault.
-Michael Jackson's original nose.
-Charm bracelet with Hello Kitty Charms.
- Set of 20 sided Dungeon's and Dragon's dice.
-Plans for the next botched Chechynain rebel hostage release.
-Map to a Moscow Discotheque.

This week in History: The 4th of July is not only important as the birth of our nation but it also marks two very important other events as well.

-July 1-3, 1863. This was the three days of fighting at the Battle of Gettysburg. On the 4th Gen. Lee decided he could not fight any longer and began his retreat. It was the strongest army Lee would ever have and the last offensive the Confederacy would mount.

July 4th, 1863. Another crushing blow to the South. The city of Vicksburg surrendered on this day after being besieged for several months. It split the South in half and effectively gave the Union control of the Mississippi as well opening up new trade and supply routes on the river for the North. As you can see, July 4th, 1863 was not a good time for the South.


I went and saw Eisley with my brother last night. It was a good show and chicks with guitars can be pretty hot. It was funny, a band called Pilot Drift opened for them and turns out I had met the lead singer of the band before. He went to dinner with me and some friends sometime ago and I had forgotten about it. It was a friend of a friend kind of thing.

Well I am tired now and trying to get the photo posted took forever and I still haven't gotten in the right spot. Good Night.

Czar and Away

Czar and Away.


This might just be the new name for Memo's from the Czar. As my good friend Oakton Andy has suggested in his previous post. I will try it out and see. It is sort of a quick hits section as well.

First of all, I have 1979 by Smashing Pumpkins stuck in my head. As I have reflected upon this band over the weekend, I have remembered just what a great group they really were. I have also reflected upon how their namesake reminds of one of my favorite activities I was involved in one year around Halloween. Enough said.

Cont'd from last post: Your Comments on my last entry have inspired me. I give you another reality TV show based on Kelly's comment. (I do not know how long this next part will be up so read it while you can. It may be removed if to offensive, I certainly don't mean for it to be.)

This show would be based on Midgets. I am not sure if it would be a reality show or a mock reality show. Anyways, we would build a house or even a small town for midgets to live in. The catch is, we would build to their size NOT a normal persons size. Then we would find a person with normal height and get them to live in the midget world for a week or two. I know this show would be a hit and while it sounds mean on the surface, it really does sound like something the networks would do. Have you seen the Surreal World? Of course, the name of the show would have to be Smallville.

PS: For a theme song you could take the theme from Gidget and substitute the word midget.


Dog the Bounty Hunter: I stumbled upon this reality show the other day. It is about this Bail Bondsman in Hawaii that hunts down people who skip bail and arrests them. This guy is over the top. I want to see a show about a real bounty hunter though. Like Bobba Fett, who has armor and a flame thrower and fly's around blasting people.


From the Prussian "Free" Artisan League: This a brief review of the movie Bewitched, which I saw for free the other night. Simply put, I am glad it was free. I had reasonable hope going into this movie. After all, it had Will Ferrall, Nicole Kidman, Michael Caine, Jason Schwartzman and Steve Caral in it. Nicole Kidman looked about as cute as you could imagine but Will Ferrall looked as lost as you could imagine. His humor seemed old hat and he seemed to struggle with what to do really do to be funny. It had it's moments of course but save it for a rental from Payless at best. Also, as interesting anecedote, my parents never allowed me to watch the TV show as a kid, but I somehow still ended up playing Dungeons & Dragons. They should have just let me watch it anyway.

H.P. Lovecraft: Also I have started reading H.P. Lovecraft. An early 20th century Sci-fi/Horrer writer, most noted for the cult classic, The Call of Cthulu, as well as creating the Necronomican. (See Army of Darkness and other weird tales.) I hope to post some quotes by him because he is a brilliant writer and has a very interesting way of looking at things. Ways I can relate to. He also loved cats.

New York: Most of you know by now that I am considering moving to New York City. So I am taking a public opinion poll. What do you think? Should I stay or should I go? I am open to other suggestions of where to go as well so long as you don't tell me to to the place of fire and brimstone.

Tomorrow I'm sending of my first manuscript to a contest for publication. I'm really excited about it and it gives me a really good feeling to do so. It is the sort of feeling that says your doing something you were meant to do. Will I win or lose? I have no clue, but I am none the less excited. Pray for that if you think about it. Ironically enough I am sending it to the L. Ron Hubbard Writers of the Future Contest. Maybe Tom Cruise will read it and star in a movie about it. Better yet he will read it, introduce me to Katie Holmes and she will introduce me James Van Der Beek and I can get his autograph. I would then hang it in my room.

Well, I suppose that is it for now. I really enjoy everyone's responses and whatnot. The posts are almost a blog in and of themselves. I love you all like you were my very own illegitimate children. Good night.