The 2nd Date, Online Yet Again.

The time is 4:00 P.M. and I sitting at a coffee shop listening to the myriad snippets of conversation that I hear in passing. By the way, it is probably 75 degrees or so with a nice cool breeze blowing. Yeah, kind of confirms my decision to move out here. Especially when in Texas I see it is already close to 100. Haha.

So a few entries ago I did a little piece on online dating. Today, after further research, I think it is time for another entry upon this topic. So without further delay, I give you…

ONLINE DATING PART 2

I think I mentioned this before but I filled out the free Eharmony online personality profile awhile back and you know what they said? “I was currently unmatchable!” so a couple months later, after I moved out here, I filled it out again and guess what? I am still currently unmatchable. Muahahah! This really cracks me up. First of all, I would like to proudly point that this gives me the greats honor of being able to brag about being rejected by 1.2 million women at once. I mean how many guys can claim that? I would like to thank the academy

Secondly, and I think this is really what is going on here, is that I am such a tremendously awesome, cool, genuine and handsome guy, that Eharmony realized they could not possibly find a girl who would be my equal. I suppose that means only God himself can find such a being.

As for Eharmony, I am not sure what I am answering wrong on their questionnaire. I mean they want you to be honest right? They ask you questions and want answers ranging from all the time, somewhat of the time, rarely and never. (Or something like that.) So when they ask, “Do you have dark thoughts?” What’s a guy to do? I mean who doesn’t have dark thoughts every now and then? Or even on a daily basis? So I put sometimes. What’s wrong with that? When they ask. “Have you ever felt they call of the ancient god Cthulu?” what are you supposed to put? I mean who hasn’t? Oh well, who needs them anyways, I have other sites to visit.

Now upon my rejection at Eharmony, that led me to investigate other sights, mainly free ones, since I don’t have much money. (So why am I even thinking of dating then?) I did a tad bit of online research and discovered there were a couple that stood out. The largest and most popular being Plenty of Fish (At www.plentyoffish.com) This is a completely free and easy to use site with no strings attached. You can view people, message them and even chat with them at no charge and there are thousands and thousands of people on it and hundreds in the L.A. area. Before I continue, let me state that L.A, as a whole, but especially Orange County has a reputation of being very, very fake and shallow. So in accordance with that I saw profiles for a lot of really attractive gals saying they were tired of the OC scene and looking for somebody honest, genuine and sincere who would not play games and would treat them with respect. I thought to myself, “Perfect! That’s me! I mean, I’m probably the nicest guy I know. I should be a shoe in.”

I email about 25 or so to see what happens and you know what? None of them replied.

So the question is: ARE they really looking for something different or are they looking for somebody who is honest, sincere, blah blah but hot and rich and fits into the O.C. mold? Now I know I’m not the most attractive guy, so maybe they weren’t attracted to me, and that’s fine, but I still found the whole thing amusing.

I’ll have you know that writing these profiles is a very difficult thing. You have to try to sum yourself up all in a few words and the worst thing is you got to have a headline to catch their attention. I looked at other guys’ liners to get some ideas and I even looked at some women. They were all the same, “Nice ___seeks honest, sincere blah, blah, blah” or “Searching for the one, “ or “trying this thing out.” Etc etc. You get it, all pretty non-descriptive. So I figured I would try and come up with something better and if they didn’t think it was funny, well I probably wouldn’t be into them anyways. And to be honest, you can’t really judge somebody based on one headline.

At first I put “Raised by Wolves.” After about ten minutes I decided that it was to silly. So I then put, “Have your very own red-headed stepchild.” I left this up for four or five days. I then mentioned it to my friends TK and SN they thought it was horrible, because it made me sound like I have a child. I guess they were right, but anyone reading my profile would know I didn’t. Oh well. I finally ended up with, “Red, white and blue, without you.” A bit cheesy at first until you realize I am red, (my hair) white, (exceptionally so) and blue. Of course blue probably makes me sound depressed, which is funny because for the first time in along time I am not. Oh well, it was better then my other idea, which was, “Red, white, and blue ball.” Anyways, I never put much stock in the whole thing, which leads to my next idea.

I am considering giving all the girls there exactly what they want: An impossibly handsome, manly yet smooth, rich, sincere and honest guy, in short, a fake personality. I have been thinking of this character for a while. He is 29 years old and served in the 101^st airborne for 4 years. Afterwards he went to law school somewhere prestigious. He just passed the bar is starting a promising career in Costa Mesa or maybe in Newport. Anyways, I’m thinking of a name as we speak. Suddenly all these gals would start chatting with me. I could reject them, saying they are to fake or I could engage them and have fun with them. (My friend TK says this does not sound like somebody who is the nicest guy he knows...I have to admit he is right.) Anyways, then TK gave me the ultimate idea. I could have my fake profile agree to meet them for coffee. Then the real me could arrive a bit early and be reading, writing etc. The girl shows up, the fake guy doesn’t, soon the girl realizes she has been stood up, I (the real me) move in saying “ah you look like you were stood up” or something like that. “Want to grab some coffee? No point wasting the evening.” That would be hilarious. I am still considering it and it would be a great story to write someday. Which is pretty much what I just did.

Well I will catch you later but remember this, SWM L4 SWF. Later gang.