Memo's from the Czar vol 1

This is a new section I created. I have named it this for now but it is subject to change. Any ideas for a better name? It really consists of random thoughts and ideas that come to me every now and then. Some are funny, some are in response to your comments on my posts (Yes you inspire me), some are just quick hits on the world around me. So without further delay I give you Memo's from the Czar vol 1.

First, I have Don't Stop Believing, by Journey stuck in my head.

Little House: Faith mentioned "Little House on the Prairie" in response to my last blog. I used to love that show as a kid. However, we always called it "Little Tragedy on the Prairie" because every episode had something new and horrible happen. If it wasn't a tornado it was a plague, followed by fire and then a flood. Then the locust swarm would make an appearance and destroy the crops and if not them then a swarm of fire fly's would, but not before bandits came and threatened the town. Mary went blind at least three different times I think. Later on aliens abducted cattle and a rift into another dimension opened and the tortured souls of the warp spewed forth, but it turns out they came forth to help fight the zombie hordes, so they were good. At one point the Olsen's make an all powerful ring to rule the town but with the help of the wood Elves Laura destroyed it before it was to late. There was even an episode where Albert forms a Goth band and "done went crazy." Fortunately the Ninja's from the Burning Tiger Fist who were hiding in the Chinese railroad labor camps came and saved him from the evils of Rock 'N Roll. I really don't see how anyone survived back then. I was also always annoyed at the intro scene when they run down the hill and the one little girl always falls down. Learn to walk already! I also had a secret crush on one of the characters but I won' say which. It was a female however, so no Willy Olson.

Danica Patrick: The world of racing now has a female driver, Danica Patrick. What I want to know is if her insurance is lower then the male drivers insurance. Also, (warning: this is a female driver joke) I think racecar driving is a great career for women because they can only turn one way so they can't get lost.

Reality TV: Ok reality TV is obviously not reality. When was the last time you were stranded on a desert island left with only a film crew? And I sure as heck can't remember anytime I had a panel of babes trying to get me to pick them to go out on a date. They have shows out I didn't even know existed. Such as Dancing with the Stars and The Cut. That being said I have a few shows of my own. Here they are:

Beer Factor: Follows a fraternity around and sees how many beers it takes for them to perform certain acts. Like jumping off roofs and trying to hip hop dance.

Real Desperate Housewives:This show examines the crazy antics of middle aged housewives with nothing to do but watch Oprah. Watch them watch day time TV and follow them as they go yard art hunting. Be thrilled as you see them on the weekends go to craft shows and buy little angels and objects shaped like Texas to hang on their walls.

The OC-D: This could be the real fear factor, as eight contestants with one of my favorite disorders, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, are forced to live in a run down, dirty, dingy house with no automatic dishwashers and insects in the walls. See them as they try and open bathroom doors without the use of hands or watch them squirm as they have to wash dishes the old fashioned way. The last one to make it without going crazy wins.

"Just Friends": This show follows the love lives of five college students who are pursuing girls way out of their leagues. Laugh as their tender and frail hearts are ripped out and stopped on in a "your a nice guy but..." kind of way. Partially autobiographical. (This show could also be about any guy in college life interested in a girl.)

American Idle: This modern documentary follows the lives of middle aged, overweight couch potatoes. Watch these fine American men as they watch TV, eat chips, play video games, ignore their families (the two who are married) and otherwise waste the lives they are given while they sit around and wait for the heart attack they are inducing to occur.

The Apprentice: This show follows the dramatic story of a young Dark Jedi trying desperately to live up to his indomitable Sith Masters demands. See him snivel as he is berated.

"D" is for Didn't Win: This show follows the life of John Kerry after the 2004 presidential elections. As well the recent discovery of his below average grades in college.

That's all for now. I know this is the tip of the iceberg and I expect Korey to go to town with this.
Later gang.