The time is 8:15 and I am listening to the mixed cacophony of various conversations, coffee grinders, and music that is playing on the floor below me. In my lat blog, I mentioned I was going to make fun of Thomas Kincade, Painter of light. However, to do so properly I need my digital camera, which I lost in New York. So the Thomas Kincade entry will have to wait until I can borrow one. Instead here are some quick hits to amuse you.
Secret Confessions of the Czar:
1. Don’t you hate it when, you awaken some powerful and ancient evil, thinking that by doing so it will in turn show you favor and instead it completely turns on you? I hate it when that happens, it’s such a buzz kill.
2. Sometimes, when I make a fast hand or arm motion, I wish that a
”swish” sound effect would play, just like in the cheesy 70’s Kung Fu and Ninja movies. Alternately, and much more often, when I move slow and deliberately, I wish a mechanical robotic whirring noise would play.
3. I also wish whenever I enter a room that the Imperial march from Star Wars would play. I would love to have this play when the groomsmen and I walk out for my wedding, however I really don’t want a Star Wars theme wedding. Now Lord of the Rings….
4. This is weird, but often when I see a bug like a mosquito flying around my head, I wish I was part lizard and could whip out a long slender tongue and gobble it down. It’s not so much that I want to eat bugs, I just think of the look on the bugs face as the completely unexpected happens.
5. I also occasionally wish that my finger could mold into the shape of keys for any lock and instead of using a key I could just use my finger. I would never misplace my keys again.
6. Have you ever noticed how strange the word weird is? What is the rule they teach you in elementary school? I before E, except after C. However in a self-fulfilling move the word weird lives up to it’s own definition and is spelt with the E before the I without the presence of the C.
There are some other more generic things to, like snapping my finger to clean my room like Mary Poppins did, or being able to fly or breath underwater, but these are some of the more unique ones.
Perhaps you have some strange secret desire? If so please let me know. I would love to hear them.
It has been brought to my attention from my fellow watchdogs of Christian culture that there is now a Christian version of YouTube. It is called GodTube and can be found at www.godtube.com . Maybe God can post some videos of himself? I fail to see why anyone would ever create such stupid web site. It has inspired me, nonetheless, to create my own set of Christian web sites.
-El Shaddai Tunes- A place for Christian music trading. (Especially Amy Grant)
-AlphaOmega- A Christian search engine.
-Predestination Station- I know we already have equally yoked, but this is my own dating site for those meant to be.
-Girls Gone Wild for God- Check out videos of hot Christian chicks serving the Lord on spring break mission trips.
-AOHell - An internet provider for Christians
Pearly Gateway- Where Christians can buy computers.
Well that about does it for now. Catch you later.
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3 comments:
Hahahahahah. So funny. I wish I had "go-go gadget arm" so I didn't have to get up to turn on the light or answer the door when I'm sitting on the couch.
I can also see the Imperial March being played for you. I often wish others could hear the theme song that is going on in my head for many occasions where I deem a theme song appropriate.
jessica
Hilarious Jeff.
I wish I could do that move where your lying on your back and kick up with your feet and suddenly you're standing up.
I tried this when I was 8 after seeing CobraKai do it in Karate Kid pt 1 and nearly snapped my spinal cord.
dvefxfn
This is so dang funny Jeff!!
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