24 Hour Torture

Greetings fair citizens and immigrants alike. I am sorry it has taken so long to right another entry. I have been working on a couple of short stories and thus most of my writing time has been consumed with that. However, here we are with another entry so let us continue.

I became a member of a torture chamber the other day. Now I can be in pain whenever I want. You see, I signed up for a membership at 24-hour fitness. Starbucks has a pretty good deal for their employees to join so I sucked it up and joined. I kid you not though when I say that upon walking in and seeing rows and rows of complicated equipment, with weights, gears and cables that it really did remind of some medieval torture chamber. The real irony here is that we have been suckered into paying for our own pain. Prince John would have loved our times.

Speaking of ironies, here is a couple more I thought of:

I find it highly ironic that the boy scouts, who pride themselves on resourcefulness and preparedness, have to have fundraisers every year.
I find it ironic that baby oil actually does not come from freshly squeezed babies.
Steel wool does not come from metal sheep either.

Ok those were lame I admit, especially the last one.

Have you ever wanted to become the president of your own church? Have you had everything in place but you just couldn’t think of a name for it? Well worry no more because I have created the first ever Evangelical Church Naming Kit. Follow the directions here and soon you will the perfect name for your church. First grab a 6-sided dice. Then roll it and find the corresponding word in the first column. Then roll again and find the word in the second column. Lastly roll in the third column and put them all together and presto! Instant ministry.

Column 1 Column 2 Column 3

1. Fire 1. Creek 1-2. Fellowship
2. Stone 2.Wheel 3-4. Bible
3. Water 3.Hollow 5-6. Bible Fellowship
4. Willow 4. Gate
5. Briar 5. Woods
6. Oak 6. Ridge

See I will give an example. I roll a 5 (Briar) then a 6 (ridge) then a 1. (Fellowship) So my new mega-church will be called Briar Ridge Fellowship

So the might be a bastard series continues:

You might be a bastard if you dump your girlfriend because her friend is hotter.

You are defiantly a bastard if you dump your girlfriend because her sister is hotter.

You might be a bastard if you break up with your girlfriend on Valentines Day. (I know somebody who did this, and then we popped all the pink balloons she had given him.)

Well that’s about it for now folks. Hope you enjoyed it.