Less is more....

The time is 7:54 and I am listening to Neko Case again. Just like donuts, Super Mario Brothers, or cocaine, I just can’t get enough of her. Yeah, it’s sort of an obsession, but I am going to see her in a few weeks so I need to prepare appropriately. BTW- I have vowed to find a girl to go to this concert with. Now I’ve never been one to hold my vows to closely, and this one has not-gonna-happen written all over it. Still I am going try. I have a fallback plan too: Craigslist. Yeah you heard it, if I don’t find a date with a weak left to go, I am going on Craigslist and advertising a free ticket to any cute single chick who wants to go, cougars need not apply. So Dateline, as I am calling it, has officially begun.

I realize I fell off the blog wagon and haven’t fulfilled my obligation to write one a week. Sorry about that, I went through a little slump of boredom and despair for a short spell but fear not, much like a bad rash caused by some perverse act, I have returned.

No list today but I hope to have some maybe next time. I do have a headline though, which I haven’t done in a while.

Congress Approves Capital Losses Tax- With the government short on money due to the failing economy and no revenue from Capital Gains this year Congress has approved the Capital Losses Tax. The first tax of its kind the move taxes the amount of money investors have lost on the stock market this last year.

Addressing the senate floor, speaker of the house Nancy Pelosi stated, “This move will take millions from people who need the money so we can give it to those we deem more in need through the President’s bailout plan.”

The measure was unanimously voted in and has opened the door to more proposed legislation. In fact many on Capital Hill have begun promoting their own measures.

Senator Evan Bayh of Indiana has even gone so far as to propose a controversial Defeat Tax. Similar to the Victory Tax in World War 2 this tax would herald our continued losses in Afghanistan. Other suggestions have included a foreclosure tax, bankruptcy tax and unemployment fees.

Well gang, that is about it for now. I will catch next week, probably.

The Jefferson Code

The time is 9:07 PST and I am listening to The Shins, who have quickly become one of my favorite bands. Today’s blog has been inspired by an event I was involved in yesterday. You see I went to my local 24 Hour Fitness, which surprisingly enough is not open 24 hours, (Almost as surprising as me working out.) and I walked up to the check in counter and there is a really cute girl behind it reading a book. I flash my ID and best smile at her, and I look down and happen to notice the book she is reading is titled, The Bible Code 2. Now I have heard of the Bible Code stuff before. About how there are secrets numerical codes hidden in the text of the Bible that make all sorts of prophecies including the prediction of 9/11 and of the current economic crisis, among other things. I found the fact they found a part 2 hilarious. Like maybe after they discovered this great code they realized they had left some out? Or maybe they found a whole new series of text and revelations to apply it to? I thought about making fun of it but like I said, the girl was really cute so I didn’t. I was however, tempted to ask her if it predicted that her and I would be together but I chickened out at the last minute. Yet it did inspire me to write this blog. I did a little research and it turns out there are many books with codes in them pertaining to a whole slew of topics. Here are some of them.

The Audacity of Hope Code - In Barak Obama’s book he secretly spells out exactly how he will win the presidency without actually telling us anything specific at all.

The Cosmopolitan Code- This magazines predicts which celebrities this year will get knocked up, married, divorced as well as how many kids Angelina Jolie will adopt and how many Eskimo Pie bars Kirstie Ally will eat.

The KFC Code- Slightly different in that it is not an actually book but rather a printed menu from KFC that actually reveals the Colonels secret recipe! Get out!

The Five People You Meet In Heaven Code- In an ironic twist this code actually reveals the eleven people you meet in hell. (Spoiler Alert: Princess Di’ is one of them.)

The Michelangelo Code: Almost as controversial as The DaVenci code, it tells of the secret lost linage of Merle Haggard.

The Lord of the Rings Code- A mysterious code that tells the true secret of the one ring, promising marriage to any nerd who deciphers the code.

The Horse Whisperer Code – Whispering was only the beginning. This code picks up where the whispers end and tells of the perverted, blasphemous acts it led too.

Mein Kompf – The code from Hitler’s infamous book actually reveals the winning numbers for the Iowa Mega Millions lotto for the week of June 11th, 2012.


Well anyways, this is your blog for the week so I hope you enjoy. Search my blog. If you find a code in it please let me know. I need all the help I can get. Later.

CA VS NY

The time is 2:30 and I am listening to Wilco. So far my attempts to blog weekly have been more or less successful. For those of you who don't know, there has been a raging debate going on between me and some friends as to which state is better. CA or NY? To help you make an informed decision I have put together a list of Pro's and Con's for each. Please help yourself.

Also this might be hard to read but do to the limited formatting of blogspot, I could not insert a chart. So on the left of the brackets is the CA part and on the right is the NY part. It's the best I can do so deal with it.


Pros and Cons of Cali vs N.Y.

PROS
CA \ NY
Don't need a Coat \ Don't need a car

If your homeless you \ If your homeless you
won't freeze to death \ can have health care

Jeff and Asian girls live there \ Andrew and Jenny live there

You can go to Disneyland, \ You can go to real places
Knotts Berry farm, or other\ of actual historic importance.
man made tourist traps. \

Conan O'Brian, Jimmy Kimmel \ David Letterman, SNL

Oprah is not here \ Oprah is not here either

San Fran, Las Vegas, San Diego, \ Washington D.C., Boston, Niagra,
Tijuana, Grand Canyon, \ all withindays drive.
all within days drive. \

Mountains Nearby \ Mountains nearby

Great beaches \ Central Park

Movie Stars and celebrities \ Movie stars and celebrities

Boardwalks \ Broadway

Fly to Hawaii Cheap \ Fly to Europe Cheap

Hot girls \ Hot girls


CONS
CA\ NY
Might Die in Earthquake \ Might Die in Terrorist Attack

Fake boobs \ Annoying accents

To many illegal immigrants \ To many legal immigrants

Arnold Schwarznegger is the \ Hillary Clinton was the senator.
governer.

Might die from medical waste \ Might die from any number
while swimming in ocean. \ of things in the subway.

State income tax \ State income tax

State is billions in debt \ State is billions in debt

Sean Penn lives here \ Tim Robbins lives here

L.A. Lakers \ N.Y. Yankees

Stockton is nearby \ Philadelphia is Nearby

Rampant Chihuahua's on \ Rampant rats on the subways
the sidwalks


So there you have it, it is a pretty close call really. So place your vote, maybe we can settle this the only way we know how. With a civil war. Anyway, have a good one.

Embracing the Dark Side...

The time is 4:18 and I am listening to Mason Jennings. I was introduced to his music by my friend Andrew during our trip to Gettysburg. Fun times and good memories, but that is a thing of the past. We are here to talk about the present. So let’s dive on in.

My plummet to the Dark Side has spiraled well out of control. Not THAT dark side, I finished that Journey years ago. I mean the other Dark Side, the Yuppie side. Ironically my path to yuppiedom parallels closely with my journey down metrosexual lane as well.

I mean it started off innocently enough. I graduated college and went to Watermark church in Dallas. A few feeble first steps. Then I moved to the O.C. That’s one small step for yuppies, one giant leap for yuppie-kind. I then got an 8-5 marketing job that entails meeting various people in banking, real estate and accounting. Yep, another big check mark on the yuppie list.
I also bought a bunch of professional clothes. Some were even designer names. Check. I am in the singles group at church, another check. But the biggest step by far, the real killer, happened a month or so ago.

You see, I moved to Irvine, CA. If the O.C. is the yuppie kingdom then Irvine is the capitol. I mean this place is like out of desperate housewives or something. Everything is squeaky clean. I hate it, and I love it.

I love it because I have to admit, as far as neighborhoods go it is really pretty and would probably be a great place to raise kids. All the neighborhoods are perfect and well maintained. All the houses are Spanish style and contemporary. In fact, Irvine’s motto is Live, Work and Play. It should read live, work, play and die. They don’t want you to ever have to leave the area. They do a nice job though. Irvine ranks in the top 10 in nearly every good category a city could imagine. Crime, education, jobs etc. There is no night life, everything closes at 10:00, nothing to disturb the pretty little neighborhoods. Even airplanes at John Wayne Airport can’t take off or land after 11:00 P.M. or before 7 A.M. It’s flawless

Everyone is trying hard to look the part. Like they are successful and have it together. Lexus’s, BMW’s and Infinities line the streets dotted by the occasional Porsche. Sometimes I want to drive through town, the window down and my middle finger out, sticking it to everyone I see.
Wives are hot, people are in shape and kids have more style then Vogue. But at the end of the day there is no real depth to it.

By moving to Irvine I have nearly completed my journey to the dark side. Fortunately I won’t be able to afford a luxury car for several years, if ever and I am still waiting on my trophy wife. Oh well, some things never change, which leads me to my next section.
De-motivational Posters.

Many of you have seen the web site
www.despair.com. They make all the un-motivational posters and pessimist gear. They have DIY section that lets you upload a picture and put your own caption on it. Me and some friends have been making them and sending them to each other. I will leave you with one I made the other day….

Later.

We Be Bloggin'

The time is 8:30 P.M. and I have still been listening to Neko Case. Ladies and gentleman we have much to discuss tonight. First of all I have not been faithful to my once a week bloggings. It has been more like once a week and two days. I apologize. I thought I could set aside Sunday’s for blogging, maybe rename it Blogsday, if you will, however Sundays have become rather busy as of late so we will see. Nonetheless, I am blogging now, to make up for lost time.

First of all, my dear citizens, if you look to your right you might notice a new gadget on my blog. This is the follower application and let’s you keep track of my blog as well as letting me know roughly how many people are reading this thing. I am asking you, as your vaunted czar, to sign up as a follower. In fact, if you don’t do it because I ask you to, then do so because as your czar, I command you to. It is your duty as citizens of New Prussia so show your allegiance!

Ritual Clubbings:
Okay, I have a confession to make, I went to a club Saturday night. I will be honest in saying I have never been to a club before, because I figured it really wasn’t my scene. (Which it’s not) but I do have some thoughts on it.

First of all, the club was called Ritual, which is the perfect name for a place that somebody with O.C.D. is visiting.

Also, it was an Asian club, which adds to the mystique. Being named Ritual and being Asian I wasn’t sure what I would find. I half expected at some point, maybe around midnight, for an alter to rise out of the floor as everyone works themselves into some ritualistic Cthulu like frenzy. Then they pick a hot girl from the audience and sacrifice her. (Probably not a virgin though.) Maybe something like the blood bath in the opening scene of the first blade movie. That did not happen much to my chagrin. There were however, some rituals going on, but most of those seemed to involve mating of some sorts.

Secondly, I am not sure I have ever felt this white in my life, at least not since that time I watched the Country Music Awards. I mean I was the ONLY white guy there. I was told this actually works in my favor because I stood out more. Not only that but there is apparently a subset of Asian girls out there who only date white guys. I need to find this subset. However, it seems to me that Asian girls who only date white guys would go to white clubs and not Asian clubs right?

Anyway, my biggest problem with clubs is that it requires dancing. Now I can swing dance and I can two-step. I could even pull off some bastard version of the Lindy Hop, but I will be dead and in my grave if I can club dance. I know alcohol helps, but it didn’t seem to do the trick. I feel so freaking awkward trying to dance at a club. I looked around a bit and most of the guys there couldn’t, so I shouldn’t have felt so out of place, yet none-the-less I did. Near the end I got out there for a spell, but I never found any sort of groove what so ever.

Not only that but it was also expensive, seeing as how it was 20 bucks just to park, but it was worth the experience.

I will say I had a very incriminating photo taken of me that I am debating whether or not I should post it on this blog. Maybe if enough people become followers of my blog I will.

For now I think the kind of clubbing I will stick to involves baby seals.

Okay gang, that is your weekly update. I have to go play Rainbow 6 Las Vegas so I will see you later.