Heroes Come and Go

It is 5:30 P.M. and I am listening to Elliot Smith.

Here is an issue that has haunted me recently. Are astronauts heroes? The other day I was thinking upon heroes and what goes into the idea of being one. Why I do not know but I was. I then thought about astronauts and how everyone regards them as such. I wondered if they really were heroes and after much mental anguish I decided that they are definitely not heroes. Not anymore anyways. I mean think about it, we send people into space every other Friday, its' like payday. Is this really heroic anymore? Now the original men in space, the pioneers, and the chimp we sent up, they were certainly heroic. They risked themselves in unexplored regions with relying on equipment that my pocket calculator is more powerful then. The men on the moon, they were certainly hero’s as well. But modern astronauts? They are everywhere, they visit schools, are on TV, you can’t get away from them. That being said, the men and women who died in the two shuttle explosions would be exceptions and I mean them no ill will, but as for the rest? I think they're just trying to use their status to get laid. I mean heroes vanquish evil, they cast powerful rings into the only mountain that can destroy them, or they have claws that come out of their wrists and other mutant powers. Or sometimes they storm the beaches at Normandy as well. Astronauts don’t even wear capes.

Think about it this way. Who views astronauts as heroes? Children. Do their opinions really count? I mean children view Jedi, (or in my case the Sith) Cowboys, and Pirates as hero’s too. But when you get older, are they still heroes? Who cares about cowboys? Around here we make fun of them. So why are astronauts still considered so great? And for the final nail in the coffin consider this. Not only has the United States sent men into space but so have the Soviet Union, the European Space Agency and China. You’re telling me the technologically stone aged Soviet Union and the cowardly France have sent men into space and we still consider it great and courageous? That alone proves the feat is over rated and as for the French, the probably went into space to escape another foreign invasion. So I rest my case, astronauts are no longer hero’s. Sorry about that.

And now it’s time for another addition of,

Great Moments in OCD History: So I am working the closing shift at work, we are running behind due to a last minute rush of people but we finally close. Then the dreaded words that strike fear into my inner core are issued. “Hey Jeff, could you clean the bathrooms? And try and hurry because we are behind schedule.” Something inside of me vomits black bile into the chasm of my soul. None the less, I had cleaned them before and in theory, the more I do it the easier it is supposed to get. (A form of exposure therapy, albeit extreme.) So I smile and lie, “Sure no problem.” And I grind my teeth and set out upon my fate.

It should be duly noted that in order to properly clean the restrooms while not setting off OCD to much, it requires time to carefully do so. I did not have time and was trying to hurry and overcome all this anxiety. I spray junk on the toilet and scrub it with the brush, up and down a few times. Then on the up motion, that is when it happened. I have dubbed it the toothbrush affect, the wet bristles being pulled against something and splattering out on things nearby. Only the nearby object it splattered on was my face. Time froze, an atomic bomb went off in my stomach, I got hot and panicky. What was I to do? Scrubbed toilet water on my face!?!? The boy with OCD! I cannot possibly begin to describe the horror it caused. I was almost paralyzed. To make matters worse, we were trying to hurry so I didn’t get to stop and wash it off an appropriate matter for at least twenty minutes. It was a nightmare. Later I poured sanitizer on my face, wiped down with alcohol swabs and took a shower. I would have scrubbed my face with comet and bleach if I didn’t think it would blind me. I even considered shaving my goatee, since some of the water hit it. That was a few days ago and I am still waiting for the Aids, or Hepatitis A, B and C to set in.

Well, see you later.

Dream On.

Hello all. I hope the reading of this blog finds you well. It is 2:22 A.M and I am listening to nothing but the quiet stillness of the night. I want to tell you about a dream I had the other night. It was odd. I dreamt that my brother and I were trying to get on TV as hosts for MTV’s coverage of the NFL draft. Of course MTV doesn’t cover the draft so that makes the tale even weirder. We weren’t doing a very good job impressing them but somehow we were able to worm our way on TV. There was the usual pre-draft rumors and analysis and discussed all these things. The Miami Dolphins had somehow gotten the first pick in the draft (in reality it is Houston.) and were soon going to make their selection. Most people predicted Reggie Bush or Vince Young, no one was sure of which one though. Then the Dolphins walked up to the podium, the room hushed, they gave the commissioner their slip of paper. He opened it, read and cleared his throat. He leaned into his microphone and said “With the first overall pick of this years’ draft, the Miami Dolphins select Will Smith.”

We were all amazed as Will Smith came out and put on a Dolphins jersey. Apparently, not only can he get jiggy with it, but he also makes one hell of a quarterback. I woke up shortly after that. I did not want to stick around to see if the Cowboys selected Mark Walberg or Eminem.

Immigration Protests Result in Largest Illegal Alien Bust

Last weekend thousands upon thousands of Latinos took to the streets to protest immigration reform in the Untied States and thousands upon thousands of them were arrested for illegal immigration. It was the single largest bust law enforcement agencies have ever made. “Well, we saw all these protesters and realized many of them were probably here illegally. It was as easy as shooting ducks in a barrel really,” says Dallas police officer Brad Hinckley. “We couldn’t have asked for a better opportunity.”

The idea has taken root in other areas as well. “We would like to encourage everyone to come out to next months’ drug dealer rally as well. It should be fun for all.” He added. Protests for sex offenders and terrorists are also planned in the coming months.

Well that’s all for now folks. See you later.

Two Deaths and Would You Like that Decaf?

Greetings everyone, it is 7:00 P.M. and I am listening to KT Tunstall. Much has happened in my “life” the last week or so. Well not much really, mainly I got a job. Now I know you are dying to find out where, so I won’t hold back, I’m now a proud Barista of the fabled Starbucks company. I work at the Casa Linda location at Buckner and Garland Road. For those of you who know me you know I love the independent artistic coffee shops the most, but there aren’t any of those around here so I am at the SB. Anyways, it isn’t a bad job, not yet, and Starbucks hooks their employees up, also we wear green aprons and green as we all know, is my power color so it is kind of cool. In response to David’s posting, I have often thought of a website but I don’t content wise if I have enough stuff yet. I am taking a multimedia class and we are getting into HTML and web design so I might end up doing one soon.

Nipped in the Bud- Well there was another death in New Prussia. I must admit it has been a few months since we have had one and I was beginning to feel safe in the land of the living only to have the dark wings of death come and swoop it all away. This death happened a couple weeks ago but since I am so far behind in my blogging (as always) I will post it anyways. This outstanding rerun hero lived in the iconoclast town of Mayberry. This show was huge and loved by all and came to represent all that America was. Of course I am talking about Barney Fife from the Andy Griffith show. That’s right. Don Knotts passed into the great beyond and I can just now bring myself to talk about it. His nervous energy and weird antics were a childhood inspiration. I even had a shirt with him on it at one point. Not only the Andy Griffith show though, but who could forget the movies? I mean who could forget the Apple Dumpling Gang or The Incredible Mr. Limpit? Anyways, here’s to you, Don, nip it in the bud.

God tired of waiting on U.N.

The Hague, Netherlands- In what can only be described as an act of divine judgment former Serbian ruler Slobodan Milosevic was found dead in his prison cell with only fifty hours of testifying left in his trial. The news sent a wave of shock and suspicion throughout Europe. Milosevic had been in prison since the late 1990’s and had been on trial for four years. Many suspected foul play or revenge and an investigation began. That was until a celestial being cleared up the matter.

Gabriel, archangel and spokesman for God the Almighty, held a press release in which he stated, “The U.N. has had their chance to bring justice to this matter. The trial has taken four years and God was tired of waiting on your petty human institutions. He, the Almighty, decided to bring justice to all the thousands of innocent Croatians that were butchered by Milosevic.” He went on to add that the cries for justice from the graves of thousands of innocent dead were so loud that something simply had to be done. “No one in heaven could enjoy a peaceful eternity with all that ruckus.” He also added.

It is true that the U.N. had come under much fire for it slow and time consuming process of litigation. Milosevic had been in prison for several years before the trial even began, and it has gone on four years since then. To many it appeared a mockery of justice.

The U.N. was in shock at the pronouncement and tried to subpoena God to see if this was true. God merely refused to be subpoenaed and it is feared many earthquakes will result from the presumptuous attempt.

“If this is true, that God brought this death it could constitute a serious undermining of human will.” Stated U.N. Secretary General Kofi Annan, who is also under a cloud of suspicion for taking bribes. “We believe in justice and fairness in our world that no one has the right to interfere with.”

Gabriel rebutted saying “For all the talk of human rights and justice, the U.N. system is sure slow in bringing it about. We in heaven are just glad these aren’t the same guys who handled Nuremberg.”

Well , thats about it for now folks. Catch ya later.

Let the Games Begin......and End Quickly Please.

It is 7.00 P.M. 26 Feb, 2006 and I am listening to Badly Drawn Boy. I appreciate your musical comments. David made extremely good points with his rock album suggestions (especially Metallica in my opinion) and I agree with Poop's assessment with U2. While I did not think their last album was great, I merely meant they are still cooler then ever.

Well the Olympics have come and gone and I was tired of them before they began. I was certainly tired of hearing about Bode Miller, before he decided to suck. The U.S. Olympic team had been a huge disappointment this year. With the apathy if Bode Miller, the choke job of Sasha Cohen, the even bigger choke of the hockey team, the foolish arrogance of Lindsey Jacobson-ellis (or whatever her name is) and the civil war that erupted on the speed skate team, it has been a pretty sorry showing for the good 'ole U.S.A. It's just as well I don't really care about the games anymore. That being said, let's make fun of them.

IOC Announces Rioting as New Event.

Torino, Italy – In a press conference yesterday members of the International Olympic Committee, as well as the current committee president Jacques Rogge, made an announcement that rioting will now be added as event and hopes to see the sport appear when the next winter Olympics are held in four years.

Rogge cited the summer riots in France as well as the recent riots, caused by a Danish cartoon, as the inspiration for this measure.

“Throughout the history of the world riots have always been an integral part of any civilized societies political life. As a boy I can remember reading of the riots in France before the revolution broke out, and I recall whishing I could have participated in them. As I look around the world today, I realize the sport is still alive and well.”

The new event will have a five member panel of judges, often members of opposing factions, such as Israel’s and Arabs or Jews and Muslims. The scoring will be based on several factors but includes how much damage is done measured in monetary amounts, the number of cars burned, the fever pitch the crowd of the crowd and even the artistic element of creative flag burning will be considered.

“As of now there at two events that will be held. The short protest, which last one hour, and is of smaller scale, and the full scale uprising, which will last three hours and involve interaction with police in riot gear.”

The latter event will stress the athletes training and endurance as they are forced to overcome the use of tear gas as well as overcoming obstacles such as road blocks and armored cars.

When questioned about these events being held in the winter Olympics Rogge responded, “We just saw a round of riots all across the Middle East so clearer rioting can take place in the winter. Not only that but we really wanted to create a sport that would give many Middle Eastern countries a good chance at winning a winter medal. Right now they just don’t have much of a chance. I personally can’t wait to see how well Iran performs and of course the Palestinians could well score on the level of an insurgency.”

Other committee members went on to add that Syria, Lebanon and Indonesia are strong contenders but that one should never count out the resourcefulness of the United States, especially in areas like Compton. Latin America was also named as a strong possible winner. Whatever the case may be, the new event is sure to be exciting.

News briefs:

President Bush threatens to invade opponents. Citing his controversial foreign policy President Bush announced that defeating the U.S. in any event (except curling) can and will be considered a direct attack on America itself and therefore the offending nation is now open to invasion, especially if they produce oil. He then went on to add that, "while they are gathered together in Italy, it would be a perfect opportunity to take them all out."

Condoleezza Rice suggests FEMA aid to Italy. Last Thursday the Secretary of State said that she thought FEMA should be deployed to Torino to help clean up the disaster that this years U.S. team has created.

Area Preacher Likens TV Coverage to God's Wrath. The Rev. Bill Sickes of First Baptist Church of Jackson, Mississippi is tired the sappy NBC coverage. He likens it to being worse then God's wrath. In a sermon last Sunday he stated that "I would rather have all seven bowls of wrath poured upon me at once then have to sit through one more cheesy, sentimental, human interest story. If Bob Costas tells me one more time how dramatic the games are or what kind of sentiment I should have for a specific moment then I hope God, in His infinite mercy, opens all seven seals at once and allows me to bear the brunt of them all.”

Well that's about all for now folks. I miss football already.

Been a Long Time Since I Rock 'n Rolled...

Greetings. Well some of you expressed concern after my last two sentence entry. I appreciate it but I will not go into detail. Let's just say my goal this spring is to get my mind back and it is a very daunting task. Some things need to be dealt with mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I don't think people really understand the toll it can take on people. Some demons needs to be slain, and I am not talking about Dungeon and Dragons here folks. But that is TMI and while this is a journal of sorts, it's also as much as I am willing to say right now. However, yes Kelly, there are things worse then trying to pick up Michael Moore. Listening to him is worse and watching one of his propaganda films is definitely worse.

I have been listening to Led Zeppelin's album Led Zeppelin, also called Led Zeppelin 4 among the true fans. I have some good Led Zepplin trivia for you but I will save it for another entry. This is a phenomenal album. Every now and then I just want to say screw all the angst ridden, please-kill-me-now emo crap, I just want some guitar jamming, drum smashing good ole' fashioned F#$@ing rock 'n roll! Is that to much to ask for? (Please forgive my pretend bad language mom and dad.)

Ok seriously, this has to be one of the top five rock albums of all times. Every song but one or two was a hit. It has Black Dog, Been a Long Time Since I Rock 'n Rolled, Misty Mountain Hop, Going to California, Stairway to Heaven and When the Levee Breaks on it. Can anybody think of a better rock album? Now remember, we are talking pure rock here, not better albums as whole. Certainly Sgt Pepper or Pet Sounds may be better, but they aren't really rock. Somebody suggested Exile on Main Street , by the Rolling Stones. I know it is considered one of the best albums ever but alas, I have not listened to much of it. Maybe Tommy by the Who? (or of course Deliverance) Please discuss amongst yourselves. Some of you might suggest Kiss or some one else from the 70's, but I don't dig kiss. There is one option that stands out. U2- Joshua Tree, is this considered a rock album? Which brings us to my next topic.

The Grammys-

The Grammys were on the other night and I watched part of it. Unlike, the Oscar's, I actually kind of like the Grammys. For one, they can actually put together a good music act, unlike the Oscar's who do lame things like a musical montage of Pulp Fiction and Evita, performed by Paul Anka, Neil Young and the Vienna Boys Choir. The Grammys have the ability to be witty and clever but also edgy at times as well. The can hire Dave Chappelle and not have complaints unlike the stuffy, pretentious Oscar's which has Sean Penn getting mad at Chris Rock. No the Grammys aren't too bad, and once again U2 raked it in.

U2 is performing at a new level all together. Not only are they at the top of their game, but they have created an entire new sport. Seriously, is there anybody bigger then them right now? Is their anybody cooler then them? Not the Stones, not even Coldplay. Did you see them accept the Grammy for best song? They didn't get excited, or energetic or anything, they just got up, strolled up to the stage and took their award, all with a look that said -"yeah, that's right, we just won another Grammy and we'll be back up here later tonight. Oh, and if we feel like it we'll do it again next year." I love them.



"See how cool they are?"

On another note. Did anybody see the story that came out last week about how in 2002 the U.S. Government thwarted a terrorist attack in Las Angelas? Apparently it was another attempt to crash a plane into a building and they found out about it and stopped it. It was in L.A. so I think we all know who was really at work here.



That's right, it looks like Jack Baur was at it again.

Well that is about all for now. Peace out Napoleon.