I'm not ready to face the battles that lie ahead.
How could I ever be?
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Monday, January 23, 2006
The Sith and I, Spiritual Insights from Star Wars.
Well, it's Monday 23 January, 2006 and all is quiet on the front. It is strange how I resolved to blog more and on the 3rd I had an entry and I look up and it's 20 days later. My apologies. If you're wondering what's new in my life I am sick with a cold. I hate being sick, except when it lets me off work, but I should be better soon.
I am now completely moved out of Denton and back in with Ma and Pa. Many people ask me how it is. To you I would have to say that 1.) Life just got a lot slower and 2.) The food just got a heck of a lot better. I hear people often say they couldn't move back in with their parents after being on there own so long. That their parents' authority and what knot would bother them. For me it is not an issue. My parents are cool about letting me do my own thing, they always have been. It's not like I'm 15 and they are going to put a curfew or something on me. Anyways, it is good to spend time with the folks and be closer to the nursing home for my grandmother. Was it the best decision? I guess. It's where I am so I guess it's where I'm supposed to be, right? I do miss my cat though.
The Sith and I:
By now you are probably incredibly curious as to the title of this entry and I shall delay explanation no longer. The other day I was thinking about how cool it would be if we had some sort of Force like powers in Star Wars. Then I realized that if we did have these kinds of powers I would undoubtedly be a Sith Lord.
Now for those of you who know me, I am sure this comes as no surprise. You are probably thinking to yourself, "Well duh, it's about time he realized that." This holds especially true for my friends in Memphis. Yes this is true, but I have discovered it from a new angle. Let me explain.
To sum it up in two words: total depravity. Yes, the idea that man in and of himself can do nothing pleasing to God or know Him. I was thinking about my own inability to overcome sin, my own appetites, my own dark desires and how much of a struggle they are. I know from my own personal experience that man cannot overcome these things on his own. I realized that if it were left up to me I would fall every time. Not only fall every time, but I woul look for and create ways to fall.
The Light side teaches balance through self-discipline and self denial. This is impossible for me. I would give in to my own lusts, selfishness, hatred, jealousy, arrogance and every other sin I might struggle with every time. There is no way to balance these things or overcome them on my own. I would have been a Sith Lord by junior high. That's right, Darth Jefferson, sitting in his class room, getting ready to force choke the bullies who picked on me and then zap the jocks with lightning. I know Darth Jefferson isn't as sexy as Vader or Sidious but it's the truth all the same.
I think maybe the biggest lie in the Star Wars philosophy isn't the Pantheistic, New Age, mystical spirituality that is easy to see through. I think that maybe it is the idea that man can balance his walk through life on his own. That he can be good all by himself. It is quite obvious to me that I need somebody from the outside to reach in and save me. Fortunately as a Christian I have just that. Now if I could just get that light saber.
Well guys, that's one for the road. Catch you later.
I am now completely moved out of Denton and back in with Ma and Pa. Many people ask me how it is. To you I would have to say that 1.) Life just got a lot slower and 2.) The food just got a heck of a lot better. I hear people often say they couldn't move back in with their parents after being on there own so long. That their parents' authority and what knot would bother them. For me it is not an issue. My parents are cool about letting me do my own thing, they always have been. It's not like I'm 15 and they are going to put a curfew or something on me. Anyways, it is good to spend time with the folks and be closer to the nursing home for my grandmother. Was it the best decision? I guess. It's where I am so I guess it's where I'm supposed to be, right? I do miss my cat though.
The Sith and I:
By now you are probably incredibly curious as to the title of this entry and I shall delay explanation no longer. The other day I was thinking about how cool it would be if we had some sort of Force like powers in Star Wars. Then I realized that if we did have these kinds of powers I would undoubtedly be a Sith Lord.
Now for those of you who know me, I am sure this comes as no surprise. You are probably thinking to yourself, "Well duh, it's about time he realized that." This holds especially true for my friends in Memphis. Yes this is true, but I have discovered it from a new angle. Let me explain.
To sum it up in two words: total depravity. Yes, the idea that man in and of himself can do nothing pleasing to God or know Him. I was thinking about my own inability to overcome sin, my own appetites, my own dark desires and how much of a struggle they are. I know from my own personal experience that man cannot overcome these things on his own. I realized that if it were left up to me I would fall every time. Not only fall every time, but I woul look for and create ways to fall.
The Light side teaches balance through self-discipline and self denial. This is impossible for me. I would give in to my own lusts, selfishness, hatred, jealousy, arrogance and every other sin I might struggle with every time. There is no way to balance these things or overcome them on my own. I would have been a Sith Lord by junior high. That's right, Darth Jefferson, sitting in his class room, getting ready to force choke the bullies who picked on me and then zap the jocks with lightning. I know Darth Jefferson isn't as sexy as Vader or Sidious but it's the truth all the same.
I think maybe the biggest lie in the Star Wars philosophy isn't the Pantheistic, New Age, mystical spirituality that is easy to see through. I think that maybe it is the idea that man can balance his walk through life on his own. That he can be good all by himself. It is quite obvious to me that I need somebody from the outside to reach in and save me. Fortunately as a Christian I have just that. Now if I could just get that light saber.
Well guys, that's one for the road. Catch you later.
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
On the Road Again.
Its 10:52 on Tuesday and I have been listening to Coldplay's X & Y. You're in luck tonight because I am blogging once more. That's twice in two weeks and the pleasure is all mine. I have recently been visited by one of my old friends. I like to call him Dezy but you might know him by his more formal name; Despair. Yes, it's that old sinking feeling that I have absolutely no ability to live this life in any capacity at all. Am I making right decisions? Why don't I have more peace about things? Why aren't my student loans consolidated when they are supposed to be? Is this life really worth living and is God really enough to get me through it? Will Bill Parcell's continue to coach the Cowboys and who will keep my cat when I move? Seriously though, everything seems so impossible. Oh, let's not forget depression and OCD. I want my mind back please.
I'm moving back home for the spring, back in with my parents, to try and save money. I think it's the best thing to do. After much prayer and consideration I still have no good answer except that I'm slowly gaining some peace about. It took at least a month though. I'm also taking a class on multimedia at community college. I'm not thrilled at the prospect of more school when I just spent six years trying to get out but oh well, maybe it will okay. This is just a rant I suppose, so let's have some fun now.
You may have seen all of this bowl games going on. There are around 30 some odd bowl games and they all have corporate sponsors which leaves me an open invitation to add to the list. Here are some lesser known sponsors or in some cases, lesser known games.
-The ACLU Liberty Bowl.
-The Scurvy Citrus Bowl.
-The Wolf Brand Chili Bowl - avoid the bathrooms here.
-The Zoloft Bowl- Free samples at the door.
-The United Nations Bowl - The U.S. will not participate in this one.
-The New Orleans bowl has been renamed the FEMA Bowl.
-The Insurgency Bowl- Featuring Army vs. Navy and held in Baghdad.
-The Insight Bowl will be followed by the Oblivious Bowl.
-The ERA Glass Ceiling Bowl- in protest of all male teams.
-In an exercise of its own namesake, the Independence Bowl has decided that it will not be held this year.
- And yes, I will go there because it is so obvious, the Pine-Sol Toilet Bowl.
I was trying to think of one for the Southern Baptist Convention and the 7 bowls of wrath bowl but I couldn't quite get it right.
If you haven't seen the list, it's crazy, these are all real games.
-The Pioneer Pure Vision Las Vegas Bowl
-Continental Tire Bowl
-Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl
-EV1.net Houston Bowl
-Silicon Valley Bowl
The list goes on but as you can see, the system is a little out of hand. Anyways, feel free to add your own, I would be disappointed if you didn't. Good night.
Monday, December 26, 2005
Merry Christmas All
Merry Christmas everyone, it is 8:00 P.M and I have been listening to Ray LaMontagne. This year I will make a New Year's resolution to blog more. I have little intention of keeping it but I will none the less resolve to try.
On my last post the question of how do we celebrate the holidays in New Prussia? This is an excellent question. While the holidays in New Prussia have yet to be fully defined, several traditions have so far emerged. One, much ale and mead are drunk up by the populace. Good, thick Prussian ale, stolen from Belgium. Two, there is no Father Christmas in Prussia, there is however, somebody much better and much more loved by all. A being so great and majestic and so revered and benevolent it is hard to even imagine. I speak of course of Papa Czar. He has a big Russian hat and rides a war horse instead and wears a cloak. On Christmas Eve he goes around and rewards all good Prussian children with swords, muskets, bayonets, shields, armor and other neat weapons to help them take part in their great Prussian heritage. Which leads us to tradition three, the Yule Time Conquest, where everyone gathers along the border of France, hurls insults at them, and then we recreate the many conquests we have had over them. Afterwards we return home to more Ale. This sounds like a fine holiday to me and one any good citizen of Prussia would enjoy.
And Now...
More Great Moments in OCD History:
1. I was at the nursing home Christmas party a few days ago when this peculiar festive obsession occurred. They were serving punch out of a bowl with a large dipper. (Or is that ladle?) Anyways, I noticed the guy pouring punch out missed the cup and poured it all over his hand. This would have been okay except the fact his hand was over the punch bowl and it all trickled down over his fingers and back into the punch bowl. This guy was the program director and was setting up tables and chairs and shaking hands with people earlier as well. Needless to say this turned the punch into a seething stew of virulent infections. A moment later my Dad asks me if I wanted punch. Despite all odds I went ahead and said yes. Anxiety set in but I had just eaten and needed a drink so I decided to just ignore it. Anxiety set in immediatly as my dad brought back the festering cup of plague and set it before me. I swallowed hard, picked it up and drank it down. I'm waiting for the toxicology report to come back and tell me how many diseases I have.
2. This is something I think it hilarious and tragic and all rolled up together. As some of you know, I was working at Sears for a little while. Well, what you may not know was that it was in the vacuum department. Now people with OCD often have a thing about floors and dirt and germs. Think of all the junk on floors, all the dirty shoes walking across it, all the bugs and in our case mice, around. Think of all the nasty junk collected in vacuums and here I am, OCD boy being asked to demo and sale Vacuums! This included pouring dirt out, vacuuming it up, picking stuff out of the beater bar when it jammed (GROSS!) and unclogging vacuums brought back in (Equally as Gross). Every day after work I would scrub my hands down like a surgeon. Needless to say it was a trying experience but oh, the irony of it all! I'm surprised I made it as long as I did.
Well everyone, that's about all I have for now. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you all. Screw Kwanza
P.S. Here is a picture of Papa Czar.
On my last post the question of how do we celebrate the holidays in New Prussia? This is an excellent question. While the holidays in New Prussia have yet to be fully defined, several traditions have so far emerged. One, much ale and mead are drunk up by the populace. Good, thick Prussian ale, stolen from Belgium. Two, there is no Father Christmas in Prussia, there is however, somebody much better and much more loved by all. A being so great and majestic and so revered and benevolent it is hard to even imagine. I speak of course of Papa Czar. He has a big Russian hat and rides a war horse instead and wears a cloak. On Christmas Eve he goes around and rewards all good Prussian children with swords, muskets, bayonets, shields, armor and other neat weapons to help them take part in their great Prussian heritage. Which leads us to tradition three, the Yule Time Conquest, where everyone gathers along the border of France, hurls insults at them, and then we recreate the many conquests we have had over them. Afterwards we return home to more Ale. This sounds like a fine holiday to me and one any good citizen of Prussia would enjoy.
And Now...
More Great Moments in OCD History:
1. I was at the nursing home Christmas party a few days ago when this peculiar festive obsession occurred. They were serving punch out of a bowl with a large dipper. (Or is that ladle?) Anyways, I noticed the guy pouring punch out missed the cup and poured it all over his hand. This would have been okay except the fact his hand was over the punch bowl and it all trickled down over his fingers and back into the punch bowl. This guy was the program director and was setting up tables and chairs and shaking hands with people earlier as well. Needless to say this turned the punch into a seething stew of virulent infections. A moment later my Dad asks me if I wanted punch. Despite all odds I went ahead and said yes. Anxiety set in but I had just eaten and needed a drink so I decided to just ignore it. Anxiety set in immediatly as my dad brought back the festering cup of plague and set it before me. I swallowed hard, picked it up and drank it down. I'm waiting for the toxicology report to come back and tell me how many diseases I have.
2. This is something I think it hilarious and tragic and all rolled up together. As some of you know, I was working at Sears for a little while. Well, what you may not know was that it was in the vacuum department. Now people with OCD often have a thing about floors and dirt and germs. Think of all the junk on floors, all the dirty shoes walking across it, all the bugs and in our case mice, around. Think of all the nasty junk collected in vacuums and here I am, OCD boy being asked to demo and sale Vacuums! This included pouring dirt out, vacuuming it up, picking stuff out of the beater bar when it jammed (GROSS!) and unclogging vacuums brought back in (Equally as Gross). Every day after work I would scrub my hands down like a surgeon. Needless to say it was a trying experience but oh, the irony of it all! I'm surprised I made it as long as I did.
Well everyone, that's about all I have for now. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you all. Screw Kwanza
P.S. Here is a picture of Papa Czar.
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Hello all, it is 8:30 P.M and I am listening to the Redwalls. For those of you free wheeling, 60's loving, blues music you should listen to them. You would dig them, they have a great groove. The do sound like Bob Dylan only none of them are over 22 and they are from Chicago, and it isn't cool that kids that young can be so cool.
Tales of Woe from History:
Here is a sad story. You probably have all heard of Black Monday. The tragic day of 28 October, 1929, when the world economic systems failed and the Great Depression hit America. Well, little did you know there was yet another Black Monday that also caused a second Great Depression. That's right folks, last Monday, the 28 November 2005 is yet another day that will live in infamy. For you see it was this day, this horrific and most terrible of days, that I, R. Jefferson Jordan and self proclaimed Czar of New Prussia, turned 30! From hence forth it will forever be known as Black Monday as well. Weep not for me, I shall survive. I just spent the day drunk, curled up in a little ball on the floor of my room mourning the loss of my youth. My roommates would occasionally open the door and throw cold water on me just to make sure I was alive. It is a weird thing to turn 30. They say it is the new 20, only a twenty that gives you more trouble in the bathroom. (see blog entry, These Old Bones, for more details.)
I look back over the last decade and don't know what to think. I seem to see more failures then successes but that is usually the way I see things. In all, honesty I am not sure how to judge the last ten years. I guess it is like any other part of life. In some way it exceeds all expectations and in others it is a total buzz kill. (Especially in the area of my lack of romances.) To be honest, it doesn't seem like such a big deal anymore. I'm just glad that I didn't get roasted like my poor friend the Rhino did when he turned 30.
Speaking of Days of Infamy: Today was December 7th, the day Pearl Harbor was bombed by the Japanese 64 years ago. I have lot's of thoughts on the issue but I can't voice the majority of them because they are probably not to P.C. I suppose we got them back in the end. Some people wonder if the dropping of the A-Bomb was really the right thing to do. Those people are morons because, trust me here, most military and history buffs tend to agree it was. Pearl Harbor also started the U.S. involvement in a war that would later produce some of my favourite childhood movies. Oh and it also gave rise to one very crappy movie with Ben Affleck.
Stories From Sears:
What Lies Beneath: I have two stories from working in the mall I would like to share. One, I was walking through the mall the other day and I saw a middle eastern lady shopping. She had the full outfit on. The long robes, the head covering, the scarf thing around her neck, you get the idea. You could only see her hands and face. I tell you all of this because, get this, she was shopping in Victoria's Secret. Go figure. I guess what lies beneath the veil is another story altogether.
The accidental Applauding of Mormonism: The second tale is that there was this guy names Caesar who I really liked. He was a really, really nice, funny guy and very thoughtful and smart. I always enjoyed talking to him at work. Well, I hoped he was a Christian and I asked him one day what his beliefs were. He responded, "Oh, I am a Christian." I said "Alright!" and made a little fist pump action. Then he follows up with, "Yeah I go to the church of Latter Day Saints." All my joy immediately came crashing down around me and I could not think of any viable way out of the situation. I mean, seriously, what could I do from there. Just imagine my dismay. All I could really do is mutter something like, "Oh really, that's interesting." And then turn and stalk of with my tail between my legs as I went to apologize to the Lord for accidentally committing blasphemy and approving of Mormonism.
Well that's it for now folks, stay tuned for next entry with more great moments in OCD History.
Tales of Woe from History:
Here is a sad story. You probably have all heard of Black Monday. The tragic day of 28 October, 1929, when the world economic systems failed and the Great Depression hit America. Well, little did you know there was yet another Black Monday that also caused a second Great Depression. That's right folks, last Monday, the 28 November 2005 is yet another day that will live in infamy. For you see it was this day, this horrific and most terrible of days, that I, R. Jefferson Jordan and self proclaimed Czar of New Prussia, turned 30! From hence forth it will forever be known as Black Monday as well. Weep not for me, I shall survive. I just spent the day drunk, curled up in a little ball on the floor of my room mourning the loss of my youth. My roommates would occasionally open the door and throw cold water on me just to make sure I was alive. It is a weird thing to turn 30. They say it is the new 20, only a twenty that gives you more trouble in the bathroom. (see blog entry, These Old Bones, for more details.)
I look back over the last decade and don't know what to think. I seem to see more failures then successes but that is usually the way I see things. In all, honesty I am not sure how to judge the last ten years. I guess it is like any other part of life. In some way it exceeds all expectations and in others it is a total buzz kill. (Especially in the area of my lack of romances.) To be honest, it doesn't seem like such a big deal anymore. I'm just glad that I didn't get roasted like my poor friend the Rhino did when he turned 30.
Speaking of Days of Infamy: Today was December 7th, the day Pearl Harbor was bombed by the Japanese 64 years ago. I have lot's of thoughts on the issue but I can't voice the majority of them because they are probably not to P.C. I suppose we got them back in the end. Some people wonder if the dropping of the A-Bomb was really the right thing to do. Those people are morons because, trust me here, most military and history buffs tend to agree it was. Pearl Harbor also started the U.S. involvement in a war that would later produce some of my favourite childhood movies. Oh and it also gave rise to one very crappy movie with Ben Affleck.
Stories From Sears:
What Lies Beneath: I have two stories from working in the mall I would like to share. One, I was walking through the mall the other day and I saw a middle eastern lady shopping. She had the full outfit on. The long robes, the head covering, the scarf thing around her neck, you get the idea. You could only see her hands and face. I tell you all of this because, get this, she was shopping in Victoria's Secret. Go figure. I guess what lies beneath the veil is another story altogether.
The accidental Applauding of Mormonism: The second tale is that there was this guy names Caesar who I really liked. He was a really, really nice, funny guy and very thoughtful and smart. I always enjoyed talking to him at work. Well, I hoped he was a Christian and I asked him one day what his beliefs were. He responded, "Oh, I am a Christian." I said "Alright!" and made a little fist pump action. Then he follows up with, "Yeah I go to the church of Latter Day Saints." All my joy immediately came crashing down around me and I could not think of any viable way out of the situation. I mean, seriously, what could I do from there. Just imagine my dismay. All I could really do is mutter something like, "Oh really, that's interesting." And then turn and stalk of with my tail between my legs as I went to apologize to the Lord for accidentally committing blasphemy and approving of Mormonism.
Well that's it for now folks, stay tuned for next entry with more great moments in OCD History.
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